Dear Kai,

Happy 17th Birthday!

Every 14th of June used to be one of most celebrated day of the year. You always had sweetcakes and pasta, blowing candles and endless greetings, surprising presents and picture takings. But your birthday this day would be a lot different, we will celebrate it without you. Ironic isn't it? Life was never fair, i told myself....it never was.

I can still remember a couple of years ago, that fateful night of April 21, you left without saying goodbye. Or was it me? T'was me. I still feel guilty up to this day that i wasn't by your side during your last minute. Thinking about it makes me cry and cry. I was late for several minutes, got there at 12:01 AM. The moment I got there, everybody was already crying. Mom, Kuya Aye, Kuya Aning, Tita Ayds, Tita Tots, Tito Anol, everyone. I just bursted into tears when Kuya Aning touched my shoulders and carefully whispered "Wala na si Kai." It seemed that all the memories of you flashed back at that moment. I cried and cried hoping my tears could bring you back to life. I've never cried like that before. Your Ate Jae was the first one i texted about what happened. She didn't believe me at first, hehe. She called me up but her words seemed to just fade. That fateful dawn, Kai.

Back to reality. Everybody misses you already. Mom missed your hugs and kisses. Ate Koki missed your morning talks and loud giggles in your room. Kuya Aning missed the sparkle in your eyes everytime he brings you your favorite pasalubong. Kuya Aye missed pissing you off til you cry. Me, i just missed your laughter, that laughter that fills the room when you laugh from nonsense things to very funny cartoons on the TV. And i miss that warmth everytime i hold your hand. Sigh.

I wish you're happy to where you are now, Kai. You'd probably met Dad in there. You'd probably be sharing all your stories about our family since he left.

I love you so much, Kai. Happy Birthday again. Remember to breathe.

Missing you,

Jose Paulo