Love. Life. Everything else.



Monday, October 16, 2006

jose paulo has stopped breathing...

I close my eyes
only for a moment
and the moment's gone
all my dreams
pass before my eyes in curiosity
dust in the wind
all they are is dust in the wind

Monday, October 09, 2006

A Year Older

October 7, Saturday


Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday Happy birthday
Happy birthday Jose Paulo!

Everybody and Kai, i've just turned a year older. I was born on the year of the Rat. Still twentysomething though. Tweenager as wat Aye coins. Last Saturday was just like any other weekend. Except for the 2-day brownout (lights went back afternoon the next day), a very unpredictable weather and a flooded inbox. My birthday was exactly a weekend after Mom's. Since i spent most of my previous pay on her birthday, i was broke since then. But it didn't matter. I'm happy enough having my loved ones remember this special day when He gave me life. Shout outs for these people who remembered:

- my over-excited officemates
- my dearest family (Inang, Aning, Aye and Koki)
- my lovable titas (T Juli, T Ayds, T Tots)
- loving Jae and family
- Kendi (October 7 celebrant din)
- Rhea (ka triplet ko along with Candy during college days)
- cousin pa-share-a-load Yani
- Gift-nako Ninot
- Dataword Diana
- sikreto-para-bibo Mira
- Limewire Mel
- Jen jelani
- Rye da dude
- Basang_Sisiw
- most wanted Papay

Wish you were with me Kai. Missin' you.

Remember to breathe.

huhuums: "Til They Take My Heart Away" homemade version
feeling: old




Monday, October 02, 2006

For the World's Greatest Mom

Happy Birthday Mom!
September 30, 2006

Mom,

Happy 55th birthday! Last Friday, i can't wait to get home to get you that foot stool as my birthday present to you. I know you've been making "parinig" along with your complains about having foot aches everytime you get home from work. And i just got you one. I can't forget the smile you had when i got home with it last Friday night. Now, you can already rest your weary feet while watching TV everynight. It was supposed to buy you the softer one, but i decided that the basketball-ish design was cooler. Don't worry, i'll buy another one for you on the 15th.

Mom, i know you could be happier with Kai around. She was your Little Princess. I know you miss her so much already the same way we do. But let Koki, Aye, Aning and me fill that emptiness in our own ways. We may not give the same joy Kai used to radiate but we're trying to make you happy by our mere presence. I still can't imagine how you single-handedly supported the whole family when Dad passed away 16 years ago. I was too young then to ask that same question.

THANK YOU MOM. I've been dying to tell you that. Even though you were only present in my 1st grade and high school graduation, i know i was happier seeing your big smile with all the medals and awards i brought home with me. THANK YOU, for still cooking dinner for me even if i endlessly curse at the mere smell of the vegetable dishes. But i love your dishes, nonetheless. THANK YOU for understanding me everytime i cook sunny side ups and fried rice for my dinner. I do feel bad when i eat dinner alone, but i understand that you always go to bed early, as always. THANK YOU MOM. I still have a million thank you's comin but i'm in a little hurry. hehe.

We, your kids, have always been blessed and proud having you as our mom. For the GREATEST MOM IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD, we love you so so so much.

Sweet cakes and milkshakes,
Jose Paulo

Remember to breathe.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Ganja People!

Artist : Various Artists
Album : Jamaikan Me Groovy
Source : CD
Year : 2003
Genre : Reggae

Encoder : Exact Audio Copy (Secure mode)
Codec : LAME 3.90
Bitrate : VBR ~211K/s 44100Hz Joint Stereo
ID3-Tag : ID3v2.3

Ripped By : Punkster on 8/24/2006

Track Listing
-------------
1. 4:26 Big Mountain / Baby I Love Your Way
2. 3:31 UB40 / Can't Help Falling In Love
3. 3:27 Charmaine Burnett / Make It With You
4. 4:30 Janet Kay / Feel Like Makin' Love
5. 5:35 Bob Marley / Stir It Up
6. 3:12 UB40 / I Got You Babe
7. 3:24 Goldfinger / More Today Than Yesterday
8. 3:22 Aswad Featuring Sweetie Pie / On And On
9. 4:09 Annette B / You'll Never Get To Heaven
10. 3:36 Maxi Priest / Wild World
11. 4:01 Janet Kay / Missing You
12. 3:55 Boy George / Everything I Own
13. 3:49 Janet Kay / Walk On By
14. 3:06 UB40 / Red Red Wine
15. 7:09 Bob Marley / No Woman No Cry
16. 2:56 Soul Train / Three Little Birds
17. 5:26 Jimmy Cliff / I Can See Clearly Now
18. 4:03 Inner Circle / Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da

Total Playing Time: 73:42 (min:sec)
Total Size : 108.8 MB (114,063,394 bytes)

**Comment:
Something to be happy about: a limited edition reggae compilation. Kewl. Ganja! Thanks to bossing punkster of pinoybato. Ganja people!

and remember to breathe.

huhummms: Track No. 7
feeling: bliss

The Day I Tried To Live

Boys Don't Cry. Men do.
I woke the same as any other day
Except a voice was in my head
It said seize the day, pull the trigger
Drop the blade, and watch the rolling heads


-Soundgarden

It's Monday. God, i hate Mondays. I so hate Monday mornings. I hate waking up early and trying to convince my muscles to start moving. For more than a year now, i've been waking up Monday to Friday finding myself alone. My mom leaves home at 4 o'clock for work. I'd be lucky enough if my sister comes home the night before, that means her doing all the chores that morning and me extending some precious minutes of sleep and snores. But that rarely happens.

But today was different, i woke up early from the usual. The first alarm of my phone woke me up, no more 5-minute snooze alarms, no extended sleep, no more where-was-i-in-my-dreams. I hurriedly fixed my beddings and headed to the restroom. And the restroom ritual didn't take that long either. I did the usual chores PLUS, i prepared for myself some breakfast. Yeah, breakfast, the word that wasn't in my vocabulary since college days. And a real breaksfast - fried fish, sunny side ups, rice and a glass of juice (don't ask why). Breakfast like this happens only once in ages. I also wore some formal shoes today. I prefered to wear brown slip-on than the usual sneakers.

What's up with me today? I don't know. I just felt different. Was it because of the long week i had? I had a busy week. Worked all weekdays and was deprived of my Saturday 'coz I have to proctor this scholarship exam. And Sunday, it was Jae's birthday. No big celebration but just a typcal Sunday Mass and lunch. Or was it from the argument that erupted later that Sunday? Maybe. I hate arguing. I hate pointing fingers. I always end up being the bad guy, the antagonist, the villain who dies at the end of the movie the hard way or the goon who drops dead at a single punch of the main character, the one who ends up beaten. And arguing with the female race are worse. It's like going to a battle. If you're not equipped with the right ammunitions and stuff, you're dead meat. I once scribble on my notebook way back in college, "If understanding Ladies were subjects to be taken in college, all Men would fail." Ladies 101, i think. If it would be an elective, it would be an all girls class. Tsktsk. Poor guys.

When i got to the office, i turned off the main lights and kept the small downlights on. Pa-gloomy effect. I wasn't feeling good, but sick. I wasn't sleepy at all having only 4 hours of sleep. I slept late thinking about a lot of things. I was hurt, i'm sure of that. The tune of the my officemate's slow acoustic music made me want to cry. But i don't know what to cry for. Was it because somebody just cursed me? Was it because somebody didn't care for me? Or was it because once of these days, one person will have to let go? I don't know. I just feel f*cked up. My ego hurts. My brain cells are frozen. I haven't checked my blog yet, haven't checked my mailbox, haven't logged in to my YM. I just want to write down something, hoping everything will be ok. **sniff sniff**

I'll be on travel tomorrow and Wednesday. Just in time for some soul-searching and sight-seeing. When i get back, i hope to replace this post with something nice. Not some crappy, on-the-spot written post. I'm gonna miss everybody. I'm gonna miss those who cursed me. I'm gonna miss the chatbox. It's still 10am, i guess i'll just have to live this boring Monday.

Remember to breathe.

huhumms: "Collide" by Howie Day
feeling: 50% lonely, 25% numb, 25% teary-eyed, f*cked up

Monday, September 18, 2006

The Kid in Kai

Buttercup
Intro: Haven't posted for the past weeks due to busy schedules, deadlines to beat, crappy web connections, alien invasions and missed breakfasts. Lots of topics have been running in my mind that would be worthy to be posted but the right words to say seem to run out. Then i thought of Kai. And my tired fingers just began tapping keyboard with these words...

Kai was born a Gemini. Geminis are known to be fun loving and intelligent (or so the horoscope says). Kai wore the biggest smile at home. Her smile would reach from ear to ear and we would avoid getting close to her she might bite our head off (nah, just kidding.). She loved chocolates and candies like nothing else in the world. You would actually see the sparkle in her eyes everytime my titas and my mom bring something for her. She would hug the package and jump up and down to show her excitement. Everybody would think she's some zoo animal who just got out of her cage. She also has the most natural laugh at home. She laughs because she thinks what she saw on TV is funny, and not because she has to laugh because everybody does.

And boy, was she intelligent. She learned writing her own name at the age of 4. I pity her for not being able to step up to 2nd grade because of the doctor's advice. She was in 1st grade for 3 months in 2 consecutive years. She would be over excited going to school every June, only to find out that she has to stop by September due to her weekly laboratory visits and monthly hospital admittance. Weeks before June, she'd be ready with her school supplies and my other sister would just drool seeing Kai with her brand new things. She would have a Hello Kitty (her favorite) backpack, Kerokeropi notebooks, Disney pencil case, etc etc. She was spoiled, and she loved it. She also went hi-tech when i got my PC in 2002. She doesn't know how to read that much but she was sharp on mouse manuevers and keyboard shorcuts. I can never forget the time when she begged for me to draw the Powerpuff Girls (yeah, Blossom, Bubbles and Buttercup) on MS Paint. She would be the one write their names after i finished them. She also asked me to draw Dexter, Cow & Chicken and I Am Weasel. I loved that smile in her face when i draw the characters as good as the original. She was also good in MS Word and MS Powerpoint. Whoa. At age 10, with no formal education, she could already create slide presentations. I saw that eagerness in her to learn. She would borrow my phone and put the forwarded messages in my inbox to her slides. Now, only her presentations remain in my PC, but i've provided her a special place in My Documents.

Kai was also the one who made me donate 500cc of blood every 3 months. Being an anemic, she has to undergo blood tranfusion every two months. Luckily, everybody in the family was of blood type "A". Both of my older brothers along with an uncle and a family friend take turns in giving Kai the much needed hemoglobins. I gave her my first drop of blood when i was 17. I have to wait for a few months to get the required weight. And boy, was it painful! Feeling the needle inside your veins, and seeing your own blood pass through the tubes straight to the blood bag. I can only imagine Kai's pain everytime she gets insulin shots every 12 hours. She was strong, and we love her for that. When she passed away, I've always wanted to donate blood to the Red Cross. I only did it once, when my other sister asked me as part of her subject requirement at school.

I missed that feeling of happiness knowing your blood runs in another person, especially someone really close to you. I miss the feeling of being a hero, knowing you just saved someone.

I miss Kai. Very. I miss her giggles everytime my mom tickles her. I miss the fear in her eyes and her screams everytime she sees a matchstick and we would just laugh. I miss her punches everytime i make kulit to her. I miss her giving the poor guy me a part of her food. I miss her seeing in front of the PC tapping the keyboard as if she knows what she's typing. I miss carrying her on my back and complaining "Bug-ata na nmo Kai oi." I miss her artistic skills when she cuts pictures from the newspaper and pastes them in her scrapbook. I miss her writing her name over and over again and asks if her penmanship has improved. I miss her singing to some tunes even the alternative tracks i have at home.

God, i miss her. **weeps**

Outro: Remember to breathe.

huhumms: "Apart" by Urbandub

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Love found. Love lost. Love unrequited.

What listening to Coldplay is all about.

ParachutesX&YA Rush of Blood to the Head

Remember to breathe.

huhummms: "Green Eyes" by Coldplay

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

My Left Hand, No Kidding


this is my left hand
not of a girl or of a spoiled brat
i placed it in the scanner at the office
just to see if it's working perfectly
and that's my Timex watch strap
i didn't know i have nice hands
i wonder whose hands fit perfectly with mine
ahehe

remember to breathe.

huhummms: "Butterfly Carnival" by Sandwich

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

A Scanner Darkly

Starring: Keanu Reeves, Robert Downey Jr., Woody Harrelson, Winona Ryder
Director: Richard Linklater
2006 Warner Brothers Independent Films

Set in a future world where America has lost the war on drugs, undercover cop Fred (Keanu Reeves) is one of many agents hooked on the popular drug Substance D, which causes its users to develop split personalities. Fred, for instance, is also Bob, a notorious drug dealer. Along with his superior officers, Fred sets up an elaborate scheme to catch Bob and tear down his operation.

Comment: I saw this film over the weekend. I've been a great fan of independent films and of animations (both Japanese and Western) and seeing the name of Keanu Reeves in the DVD box intrigued me. Whoa! (FYI: Jae told me this word is the only expression Keanu Reeves can say with an expression.) What was the film all about? I have no idea. I didnt finish it. It's either i didn't get it or I was just too tired to watch it. But the animation was superb. The creators actually shot live scenes and embedded animation effects to it. Kewl. But if only...if only i finished it. Aye did finish it but the summary he told me didn't make sense at all. The film should be a great treat to those who have read the book. Maybe i'll finish it some other time. Remember to breathe.

Rating: 4.5 out of 5
Trivia: Richard Linklater also directed Before Sunrise (1995) and Before Sunset (2004). Nice.

huhummms: "Beer" by Itchyworms

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

The Greatest View from Here

I made this shot of the skies of Bukidnon during one of our office travels sometime in June. I was lucky enough to be carrying my boss' ultra slim Sony Cybershot DSC-T30. We may be all under the same sky, but i've got a better view. Just thought of sharing...


Kai, wish we're staring at the same sky. I miss you.
Remember to breathe.

huhummms: "Wish You Were Here" by Incubus